Enduring The Process

Monday July 31, 2017 10:13pm, I sent out a group message to my lovely sisters in Christ and it read, "5 minutes apart for the past hour. I'm on my way to the hospital. I'll keep ya'll posted.

I'm turning my phone on do not disturb now." It was TIME... Marley was on her way! All day I had been having contractions but nothing consistent. I would get them and once I would start timing them they would go away. So it's totally understandable why my husband was reluctant to miss work that night because he was SURE this was another fluke of a contraction lol. Against MY better judgment he went to work anyway. Husbae left for work around 8pm in order to arrive on time for 9pm. We came up with a plan that if the contractions continued at the same rate and intensity for the next hour that he would leave work and bring me to the hospital. I wasn't trying to take ANY chances seeing that we live about an hour away from the hospital ... and who wasn't trying to deliver baby Marley in the car was THIS GIRL *raises hand*! Sooo at 9:31pm I called my husband... 9:50pm I called and at 10:00pm I called again. Yall know this boy still ain't answer.... Now why he not sticking to the plan WE came up with is beyond me but he gone send me into even earlier labor if he don't pick up this phone! Cuz' at this point ya girl is getting nervous like wait... why he not answering ??!! So he called me back a few minutes later and said he was on his way. Once my husband got home I was ready to go! All my bags were packed and sitting by the door. My mom and my son tagged along for the ride. On the ride to the hospital was when I sent that text to my sisters in Christ (Thank God for encouraging friends). Ok so now that we are all caught up let's get this show on the road. During the ride to the hospital I began to pray. I remember praying for a safe delivery. I asked God to be with the doctors, nurses and all the ancillary staff that I would come in contact with! I prayed that they would do their jobs with integrity and didn't cut any corners. I prayed for Marley, that she wouldn't have any complications. I spoke against the enemy that could potentially come up against us. I spoke against fear and doubt that was trying to take over me. I prayed and prayed and prayed and in between prayers I worshipped. I had my Pandora on my favorite Kierra Sheard station and I just let the Holy Ghost flow in my truck on that night. At this time the contractions are about a 5 out of 10. They were strong enough to take my breath away but not too strong where I was brought to tears or anything. I was doing pretty good at this point. We arrived at the hospital around 11:30ish that night. My hopes of having my baby on my Pastor's birthday was steadily declining the closer it got to midnight. I got checked in and placed in a room where a fetal monitor was placed on my belly. The nurse checked me and I was still 2-3 cm as I was the week before at my doctor's appt. but now my cervix was 100% thinned.

The nurse asked if I had plans on getting an epidural and I told her no. Shocked, she asked again are you sure? Although her response made me doubt, I closed my eyes and said, "yes, I'm sure." After 3 attempts from 2 nurses They successfully started an IV on my left hand with lactated ringers infusing at 250ml/hr. The nurse in me was light whew! Thank God I have a functioning heart otherwise I would be in fluid overload lol. Eventually they opened the line up all the way and let the fluids run into my body. I remember shivering because I was soooo cold from the fluids. Since I was bound to the IV pole, I used it as my dance partner as I worshipped in my delivery room. Each contraction I would hold my belly and rock side to side to the beat of the music....whatever works.

After about an hour my mom and son left. I know this will sound crazy

but I was relived when they did! My son didn't mean any harm but he was playing some little game on my mom's phone but I could hear him talking and talking and talking and the more I heard it the more frustrated I got because now my pain is about a 7out of 10 and the contractions intensifying. My mom kept getting phone calls and although she was whispering... even that was annoying! So eventually she called my brother to come and get them because my son was becoming restless. Side note: If you are planning a natural delivery, it's important to tell your guests what you expect during delivery ahead of time so there is no surprises and no hard feelings. Luckily my family was very understanding. Well of course my husband who had been at work for 12 hours and then went back for an hour before I called him decides to go to sleep on the pull out sofa. When I tell YOU it took everything in me not to throw every pillow in my bed and the IV pump at him. I don't really know why I was mad that he was asleep... I didn't want anyone talking to me, touching me or looking at me soooo why did I care that he was asleep?! I guess in my mind I was like, "Boy I don't care if you're tired, you better wake up and look at what you did to me. LOL You gone hear me scream and moan and you gone watch me cry...Ain't no sleep! If I can't sleep..can't nobody sleep LOL. You gone learn today!!!! When you're in as much pain as I was, you just feel all kinds of emotions.

2:08am I texted my friend who is also pregnant (see text message pic). She asked what was wrong and I said how I was getting tired and frustrated. The contractions were coming so quickly and were so intense that I just couldn't catch a break! At this point I am 4cm dilated and my pain was at a 10 out of 10. I remember waking my husband up and saying, "I can't do this! I can't hold on any longer!" He tried his best to encourage me and he said, "Bae you're half way there you can do it." I just didn't know how long the "other half" would take. After about an hour of contemplating, I decided to call the nurse in so I could have my cervix checked again. If I was still 4cm and hadn't progressed anymore I was just going to go ahead and get the epidural. Andrea (the nurse) comes in and asked if I wanted to be checked again. I told her yes and she said I was somewhere between 4-4.5cm dilated. I told her I was ready for the epidural, she asked if I was sure and I said yes because I can't go another 4-5hours like this they're coming too fast and too strong! She left my room to call anesthesia. They arrived in about 15-20 minutes. The anesthesiologist couldn't get the catheter in quick enough because contractions were coming literally every minute!!! So what he did was, he numbed the area around the site using two injections and then finally injected the epidural catheter in my back. He turned on the machine and wished me luck! My nurse left and I'm still screaming to the top of my lungs! She returned about 5 minutes later and said "what's wrong? They should be getting shorter and feel less intense." I told her no ma'am! They're getting stronger and more intense and it feels like I have to push." LIKE YALL they were coming every 30 seconds. All my body was lifted off the bed with each contraction...I was trying to climb out the bed but the IV had me bound JESUS! She said, "well I'm going to call him back because it could be in the wrong location or he may need to increase the dose, but let me check your cervix one more time before I call him." As she was checking me I could tell something was wrong... she was just down there TOO LONG. She mumbled something and I said, "what?" "She said well it seems like you're 100%." At the time I didn't correlate that to being 10cm dilated. I was jus like, "can you bring me some ice please." She said ok then she left. Immediately after, I heard a knock at the door and I was like THANK GOD here comes the meds. Little did I know....I wasn't getting any meds. The surgical tech walked in and introduced himself as Clarence, then my husband walked in and a whole host of nurses. No one said anything but I had seen this before during clinicals in nursing school. I had a pt. Who came in 8cm dilated and she didn't have time to get an epidural and no one was allowed to tell her that. We just kept reassuring her that everything would be ok and we helped coach her through the delivery of that baby. Ok soooo back to me. At this point I began to freak out!!! I took the oxygen mask off and slung it across the room, took the blood pressure cuff off and threw it on the floor... I began to disrobe as I tried to figure out how to get out the bed and RUN. Like my Pastor always say... "FEET DON'T FAIL ME NOW!" Fear had set in and I was not ready to do this! I felt this massive contraction come on and before you know it, I jumped up off my back and immediately went to a hands and knees position. I need yall to picture this. My hands and head were literally at the end of the bed and my knees closer to the middle/top of the bed. (At one point the nurses even said my hands were literally on the floor and my knees were in the bed, butt in the air LMBO.) The nurses kept trying to get me to lie down but I couldn't. This position felt more comfortable than lying on my back and for whatever reason I felt like I would be sitting on my baby's head lol. So against their wishes I told them NO! I kept telling them "I can't lay down, I can't lay down." Then I felt another contraction and I could feel the baby's head pushing out. The nurse was like well she don't have to lay down because the baby's head is coming out. I remember feeling a huge gush of fluids running all under my body. I saw blood running down my face as my nose bled from being head down birthing this baby. Then all of a sudden everyone's tone changed. The nurses are yelling "don't push! don't push!" So I'm like "I can't! I can't!" Then I heard a familiar yet uneasy voice... it was my husband. He sternly whispered in my ear with deeep concern and said "Bae DON'T push... PLEASE" I remember saying to him, "I'm trying not to bae, I'm really trying not to." Well, as I pushed the baby's head out, the nurses noticed that the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and her face was completely purple! They tried pushing the baby's head back inside in order to unwrap the cord however was unsuccessful because my body was steadily trying to push against their force to get the baby out! So they ended up cutting the cord while it was still wrapped around her neck and encouraged me to keep pushing until I pushed her completely out! Once I heard her cry, I collapsed on the bed in complete disbelief that I actually did it. I delivered this baby.... it's all over, she's alive! The enemy tried it but he failed. I could not stop crying.... I was so overwhelmed! I was amazed at God's faithfulness! You see in the middle of my defeat... God made provisions for me! He knew the desires of my heart was to have this baby naturally! When I became discouraged at 4cm he said ok... 10cm come now and in 30 minutes I went from 4cm to 10cm. When I tried to abort his plan and get the epidural... it failed... epidural never worked... You see in my mind nothing was going right but don't you know GOD had everything going according to HIS PLAN. I'm just so glad that God is into me!!! He reminded me of his faithfulness!!! As I'm lying there waiting on my doctor to arrive to check my placenta and to see if I had any tears to repair, I couldn't stop crying. The nurses were like why are you crying. I was just so speechless all I could do was cry. Once I calmed down though ya'll I had to apologize to the staff, I know I was CUTTING UP lol. They were like, "you did great." Yeaaa right, as soon as they left my room I'm sure they were talking about me LOL. My doctor comes strolling in wayyy after the fact and says, "what happened kiddo, you couldn't wait for me? I get a phone call that says your 4.5cm dilated and 30minutes later you're 10cm ready to deliver. I don't recall ever having someone dilate that quickly!" 10 minutes after Marley was delivered, I delivered an intact placenta. My doctor noticed a small tear near my urethra and closed it up with 4 dissolvable stitches. They tried using my epidural catheter to numb me again for the stitches but it still wasn't working so my doctor used a needle and local anesthetic to numb the area down below. Yes it hurt but nothing compared to labor soooo yea lol. Shortly after I was able to breastfeed my little one. She gave me no choice seeing that she was trying to suck all the skin off her hands.

When I held my baby for the first time I cried and cried! She was perfect in every way! I could see God all in her. I saw his long-suffering, his goodness, his kindness, his love and his peace all over her! Peter oh how I love Peter! Many scrutinize him for his "lack of faith," because as he walked on water he began to sink... But I love Peter because of his "ACT of faith..." he stepped out when no one else did. He said Lord, if it be you, bid me to come.... and the Lord said come and he answered the call of the Lord and by his faith he was able to walk... Peter's story reminds us that we are still human and we fall too. Yes I have faith and sometimes it wavers but God is constant and he sends the holy spirit to comfort, guide, encourage and lead us into all truth. So although my faith did waver and I did have extreme doubt, not in the Lord but in myself... God showed himself big in me. So in the end HE gets alllll the glory! He gets alllll the praise! Because if it had not been for the LORD on my side where would I be? Where would Marley be? What would be her story? I'm so thankful and grateful for all he has done in our lives! God has truly been good to me and my family. . .

*F.Y.I. no photos have been posted on social media at the request of Marley's daddy.

-Thanks for understanding

Special Thanks

^I want to thank the nursing staff at WJMC for their care and special thanks to these few people who were so exceptional: Andrea (L&D nurse), Clarence (surgical tech), Claudia (postpartum day shift nurse) Bea and Lisa (postpartum night shift nurses) Kenla (PCT day shift) and Lila (lactation consultant).